How to manage your finances after losing a partner or spouse

Losing someone you care about, especially a partner or spouse, is never easy. It's normal to feel a range of emotions during the grieving process. Take time to acknowledge your feelings. And remember that you can navigate all that comes your way. 

If your partner was the primary breadwinner, your finances will change. But there are resources available to help you get your financial affairs in order. Now is the time to prepare so it’s easier to manage your money moving forward. This guide will help you prepare financially after a primary earner dies.

First steps to take after the main household earner dies

Here are the initial steps to take after losing a spouse or breadwinner: 

Determine your income and how much money you have

If your partner was your primary breadwinner, take note of your other income sources. If you don’t have other income, figure out how much money you have right now so you can budget for your short-term financial needs. 

Make a list of assets

List your assets. Assets are anything of value. They include cash accounts, investment accounts, retirement accounts, jointly owned property, or even personal items you could sell. This can help you figure out whether you need to apply for financial support or explore borrowing options. 

Calculate how much money you need to cover your bills 

Next, calculate your living costs. This includes regular bills like rent or mortgage payments, utilities, and insurance. You should also tally up the cost of other expenses like groceries and gasoline. Don't forget to include quarterly and yearly expenditures.

Remember to breathe

You might not know about all of your expenses and assets just yet, especially if you weren’t involved with managing the money before. It’s okay. The details will come to the surface over time, and you can take it step by step. This will be a process, not an event. Do what you can today, and give yourself grace to keep working on these tasks as more information becomes available to you.

Gather important paperwork

Collect essential documents. As you handle legal and financial affairs after your loved one’s death, you’ll be required to present documentation.

Here are some examples:

• Identification records

• Death certificates

• Estate planning documents (like a will) 

• Deeds and titles

• Insurance policies

• Financial accounts statements 

Document outstanding debts

List any debts you know about and how much is owed. Note whether they’re in the deceased partner’s name, your name, or jointly owned. 

If you're the spouse or executor, you’re entitled to request a copy of your partner’s credit report. It should show all of the credit accounts they had in their name. You need to make your request in writing to each credit bureau separately. You’ll also need to provide proof that you’re legally entitled to make the request. Check the credit bureaus’ websites for more information:

• Equifax

• Experian

• TransUnion

Make a list of benefits you may be eligible to receive 

List all benefits you may qualify for due to losing a spouse, such as:

• Life insurance (don’t forget to check with your partner’s employer)

• Veterans benefits

• Social Security benefits

Notify necessary parties

You'll need to notify necessary parties about your partner's death. Some examples include:

• Employers

• Lenders

• Creditors

• Social Security 

• Insurance companies

What happens to debt after the death of a spouse?

When a spouse dies, their debts are settled using assets from their estate. Most debts typically go unpaid if there’s no money in the estate. Generally, the surviving spouse isn’t financially liable for their deceased partner’s debt unless it’s shared debt or a debt they’re responsible for paying based on state law. In community property states, surviving spouses might be responsible for paying some individual debts that belonged to their partner.

Ways to handle debt after losing a spouse 

Even if you have debt that you need to pay off after losing a spouse or partner, you can make a plan that gets you to a better financial place. Here are a few ideas: 

Reduce your living expenses 

One solution that could help you afford to tackle debt is to look for ways to lower your cost of living. After taking note of every expense, ask yourself whether some costs could be reduced or eliminated. You may even be able to negotiate the price of some bills. 

Reducing your living costs and adhering to a strict budget may make it easier to pay your bills. Achieve's free budgeting app could help you monitor your spending and follow a budget.

Consider a debt consolidation loan 

Another idea is to take out a loan to consolidate debt. You can borrow a lump sum and use it to pay off multiple debts. You’d need to have enough income to make the payments. 

A personal loan for debt consolidation could help you streamline your debt payments and possibly even get a lower total monthly payment. If you're a homeowner, you might be able to consolidate debt with a home equity loan. You would need to meet the lender’s requirements and have sufficient home equity to borrow against. 

A home equity loan is a mortgage. It’s guaranteed by your home. This guarantee protects the lender, so home equity loans typically have a lower interest rate compared to other kinds of loans.

Negotiate with lenders to reduce your debt

If you’re struggling to pay off debt, try negotiating with your creditors. Contact them to ask if they’d be willing to reduce some of your debt through an agreement to resolve the debt. Debt resolution means the creditor agrees to accept less than the full amount you owe and forgive the rest.   

Some creditors agree to do this if it’s clear that you have a hardship that makes it difficult or impossible for you to fully repay your debts. This may be a good option if you have savings you could pull from to make offers to your creditors. 

Debt resolution typically only works for unsecured debts, like credit card debt or medical debt.

Pro tip: If you reach a debt resolution agreement, be sure to get it in writing. 

If you don't want to negotiate with creditors yourself, you can hire a reputable professional debt resolution company and let experts handle debt resolution negotiations for you. 

Learn more: Debt resolution vs. debt consolidation. 

Where to find financial support after the loss of a partner 

Be willing to accept help. Research financial hardship programs and verify whether you qualify for aid. Funding from these programs could lighten your financial load. 

Here are some financial assistance programs to explore: 

• Housing assistance from the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) for mortgage or rent

• Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) for supplemental food benefits

• Social Security survivor benefits 

• VA Survivors Pension for surviving dependents of eligible deceased wartime veterans 

• Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) for military retiree dependents 

The benefit finder tool at USA.gov can help you determine financial hardship eligibility. 

Lastly, explore debt hardship programs. Some lenders and creditors have financial hardship programs that provide temporary payment pauses, temporary reduced payments, or permanent loan modification. Ask your creditors and lenders what they have in place to help someone in your situation.

Moving forward after losing a loved one

You're navigating a life-changing experience and one day things will get better. And you don't have to handle everything alone. Lean on your network of friends and family for emotional support and take advantage of any available resources. Get the names and phone numbers of any professionals you speak with about survivor benefits because you might need to reach out again. Their job is to offer compassion along with information when someone is dealing with a death. You'll get through this and come out stronger on the other side.